Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize