where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize