And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
