That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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