there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
