ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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