So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
