The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
