I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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