saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize