You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
