She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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