That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
