I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
