I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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