I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
