i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
