I think I am morally bankrupt
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
