I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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