and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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