peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
