You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i think i just naturally attract stoners
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
