I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
