So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
