If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize