i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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