Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You made out with two different species that night
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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