Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
