thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize