C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
