the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
