I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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