i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
