My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
