He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I could fuck to npr.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
