"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
