I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
