don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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