At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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