the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
