I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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