I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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