Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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