just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
