I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
