he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
