Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
