There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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