She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
