All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
