the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
