I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
