we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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