Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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