i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
