apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize