do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
