who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
