Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
