No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize