you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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