i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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