i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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