I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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