He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
how drunk are you?
Several
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
