Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
