I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
