He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
