it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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