I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
