I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize