1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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