it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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