Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
