Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
