You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
