Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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