Sponge bath it is.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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