I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
