Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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