I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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