I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
