i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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