i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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