i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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