We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
