oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
