ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize