oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
