Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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