What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
