I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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