Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
