help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want nice things and good sex
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
