does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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