they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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