Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
