I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
